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Hyperspace by Michio Kaku

Insomnia by Stephen King

Parallelities by Allan Dean Foster

So, today I am on a 19 hour silence/food fast. This is the direct result of a promise I made at yesterday's Edmonton March for Burma on the International Day of Action for Burma. Why 19? This is a direct result of three factors, namely:

1) 19 is the number of the years that have passed since the last major protests. In 1988, thousands of people took to the streets calling for a legitimate democratic government, only to be met with swift, violent opposition from the military. 3000 people were killed.

2) A number too low would be pointless :)

3) A number too high would kill me :O

Here in hour 17, I feel that maybe I should take the time to explain my reasons for doing this.

No one asked me to do this. I didn't ask anyone to do this with me, either. Unlike yesterday, this is not so much a protest as it is a simple way of paying tribute, which is especially fitting on Thanksgiving. This is my way of paying homage, for one day, to what millions of people go through every single day: not being free. Not just in Burma. Because apart from North America (and even this is kind of questionable given national security measures implemented in 9/11), these things go on, and have been going on forever. Look to Germany in the Second World War. At this same time, Hungary was "liberated" from the Nazis by the Communist Russians, who then proceeded to ruthlessly crush any opposition their regime. Look at Darfur right now.

Canada is about as far removed as you can get from civil liberties infringements. Beyond that, we are generally privvy to the essentials of life - food, clothes, water, shelter. Not everyone has that. So these 19 hours on Thanksgiving weekend are my way of saying exactly that: Thanks for all that I've been given.

Here's a song I wrote way back in the day. I've since performed it a few times - at the 2005 Amnesty International "Stand Up, Get Up!" Benefit Concert and on the Wards at the UAH Hospital...I think it's fitting...

Today

Today

I prayed

For the hate

To go away

But I still

Feel this guilt

For having watched for so long

And nothing

Bridge:

Sometimes it feels like madness

But all it leaves it sadness

Pretending not to see what we know is real

And the sorrow’s sending

Murder never-ending

Watch another one fall

Chorus:

When horror unfolds

There’s a truth to be told

Not a story for us to shy away

Time’s up, rise up

Walk to the river

And wash your apathy far away

II:

And I know

That I won’t

Save a thousand souls

But one’s a start

Yes peace is good

But not like this

To watch the innocents fall

As I keep my bliss

Bridge

Chorus

Bridge II:

Hang on, stay brave and fight

Alone, but not tonight

III:

Today

I stopped

And I fought

To the end

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

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March 21

Overcome (Black isn't all there is)

So, it's 1am and I'm supposed to be finishing my PA which is due in 35 hours, but as it usually happens when deadline looms and caffeine courses through the veins at full momentum, I decided to write a song instead (taking a page from the book of my good friend, the incredibly talented Scotty Rocket).

Anyways, there are somethings I usually don't do on a blog. Sharing private thoughts is one of them. There are some things I usually don't do in life. Sharing my songs is one of those. But, alas! Rules were made to be broken. And as I've grown up a little these past five years, I've come to realize a couple of things.

Firstly, music is a beautiful thing, and should be shared. I used to be so incredibly shy when it came playing my own stuff anywhere other than within the comfort of a sealed, isolated chamber. This is me being stupid, and jamming with some incredibly talented musicians and listening to some of the stuff my super-talented friends has confirmed this. So I share music a little bit more freely these days - not like Napster free, but if you are a musician or music lover, you're in luck.

The second thing I have realized - and the crux of this post - is this: society is incredibly stupid - discrimatory, even - when it comes to discussing private emotions. Especially the deep, dark stuff. You know what I'm talking about. And that just makes it that much harder for all those suffering in their own private infernos - I mean it's not enough that depression is a crushing force of its own (thank-you for teaching me that much, Psych 339 - "Abnormal Psychology" - why is it called 'abnormal' when it affects so many??) - but to have to go through your day pretending like everything's okay?? Call me crazy, but doesn't that make things better.

University and the real world have taught me a lot about the harsh realities of life. It's never easy to watch people you care about suffer so deeply - and there are so, so many of you! so why do you suffer alone?? I blame society. All I've wanted all along is to take you away from your pain and somehow make things better, even if for a little bit. I've never known how exactly (I don't think anyone does, otherwise Prozac would be off the market), but there is always, always, ALWAYS light in the darkest places. But only if you are willing both to try, and to believe. Because whether you are at the top of your game or swimming through the dregs of life, it is always you and you alone inside that skull of yours - you always decide the next move, whether you fight or fall.

That's what "Overcome" is about, and I wrote it thinking of you all. Maybe, just maybe, it will bring somebody somewhere an ounce of comfort, or some fighting strength. If so, think of it everytime you think you've reached the bottom. If not - le reste, c'est a vous.

Overcome (Black isn’t all there is)

The worst of life

Is true when

You hear the audible black

And know exactly

What it means

The dark, it looms

And threatens

To overcome

Bringing hell and fear

From places unseen

But black isn’t all there is

And laughter, it still exists

When you fight…

So then you try

You try a little

Then laugh

You laugh a little

And if you fall

You fall and get up

Again

And if you choke

You’ll choke a little

And then die

You’ll die a little

But there’s still time

To fly a little

So you can overcome

Well Life it’s tough

Yeah you know it’s rough

When you know exactly

What Chester means

When he screams

And thoughts they become

Much more deadly than

Venom

And escape becomes

A priority

But black isn’t all there is

And laughter, it still exists

When you fight…

So then you try

You try a little

Then laugh

You laugh a little

And if you fall

You fall and get up

Again

And if you choke

You’ll choke a little

And then die

You’ll die a little

But there’s still time

To fly a little

So you can overcome

My love, my dear

I know, I hear

Sometimes I fear

You won’t be there

But you can fight

To find the light again

Cuz black isn’t all there is

And laughter, it still exists

When you fight…

So please try

Yes try a little

And laugh

Please laugh a little

Then fly, yes fly a little

And overcome

My dear

...34 hours until PA deadline.

S. over and out.

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February 26

Le Update :)

I know I haven’t been in contact in about a million years (no exaggeration, really), but I have been thinking about you all a lot, I promise. These past months have been insane – living in France is like living in a fairytale. A friend of mine, when we first got here, referred to our year at ISU like “a year at Hogwarts” – and despite the insane assignments and crazy workload (or maybe because of them), I have to say that that assessment still stands, given the opportunities and experiences I’ve had…

I know my blog has been MIA since November, and I still plan on updating it (with photos!), but here is a brief synopsis in the meantime:

Let’s see… ISU-wise: Anousheh Ansari, the world’s first female space tourist, came to visit us in November, and talking to her about business, her experience on the International Space Station and social responsibility was amazing. Since then, we also had several Astronaut-roundtables with astronauts from the Japanese, Canadian and European space agencies – we pretty much got to ask them anything. Sadly, Canadian astronaut Bob Thirsk does not agree with my assessment that the Oilers are Canada’s best hope for bringing the Cup back home :p. I made a bet with my roommate Israel (who is actually from Mexico, don’t be fooled) today – he is convinced that I will someday be an astronaut, I am not so sure – so we will see in 30 years’ time who is right – the loser has to pay the winners’ fare to meet up in Strasbourg for a reunion.

So it's win-win for me either way - get to be an astronaut or get a free trip to good ol' Strasbourg.

On our second week back after Christmas, we took part in ISU’s annual robotics competition – basically we were given 24 hours to design and build a robot that could navigate an obstacle course and pick up gems – and, potentially, return to its starting point. Insanity, I tell you.

Our assignments are super-insane as usual – e.g. “design a satellite-broadcasting business along with a legal, economic and technical analysis – you have 3 days – go! Crikey…” – and our Team Project Phase I (before Christmas) was unreal – I slept about 10 hours over 6 days in that last week… I think I’m actually sleeping less than that these days. Yeah yeah yeah, I know I know, sleep is important. Trust me, Luisa, my best friend and other roommate tells me this regularly.

We’ve also had some more cool professional visits to facilities (mostly have to do with satellites – I swear, by the end of this year, I will be so sick of them, *shakes fist at the sky*) in Luxembourg, France and Germany.

What else? On the subject of travel… the amazing AMAZING travels! The family – Mom, Dad, and my brother hopped over the Atlantic to visit, and we visited Brussels (Belgium), Venice (Italy), Zurich, Lucerne (Switzerland) and of course Paris & Strasbourg (France). For the record, Belgian chocolates are ALL they are made out to be – all that and much much more. Later in the vacation, my mom and I went to India to stay with my relatives for 10 days – we didn’t tell them I was coming so they were floored when they saw me! Indian food is beyond fantastic – I think I gained 3 kilos in India alone.

Last weekend saw me do something I’ve wanted to do all my life – I skied in the Alps!!!! It was beautiful, exotic, exhilarating and excellent. I even skied a double black diamond while there (for those of you who know my skiing abilities, this is in fact an accomplishment). As a result, I am bruised and battered now :D.

These days, I am trying to be more well-rounded because I miss doing the million activities I used to do in Canada – it’s not going so well because of our hectic academic schedule, so my Spanish lessons and stick-fighting classes are sporadic at best. The gym and Student Council are much better – I’m pretty much a regular attendee.

There is just so much to tell, but I think I will end here with two anecdotes, the first being about the Moon Symposium. Every year, ISU hosts a conference on a different theme, with this year’s topic being “Why the Moon?” (given that just about every space agency from NASA to India is headed there). Experts from all fields and nationalities come to partake and it is a pretty ritzy event (don’t even ask me how much I’ve eaten today…although I have given up cookies for Lent. Don’t ask. :p). The amount of knowledge stored in these people is amazing. The Symposium ran last week from Wed-Fri, and to give you an idea of what it was like, over the course of the symposium, I talked to members of NASA, ESA and the Canadian Space Agency, as well as developers of nanotechnology, venture capitalists and robotics developers on subjects as varied as Operational Medical Space Flight, entrepreneurship in the space sector and the use of space resources on-location. My favorite encounter was a conversation I held with a Swiss nanotechnology developer on the American, Indian and Swiss political systems and the Indian caste system – entirely in French.

Lastly, to give you an idea of just how unreal this place can seem at times, let me tell you about one of our lecturers today, who ended up talking to us about a) dealing with the media and b) entrepreneurship. This guy was insane! He actually was one of Bush's speech-writers/debate prep guys in the 2004 election, has done media prep for the likes of Bush AND Gore, started numerous space-related business, married an astronaut, was a director of the 3.4 Billion space operations at Lockheed-Martin at one point, works the UN on Space Policy, is an ambassador for his country, the Isle of Man... like insane. And hilarious - the types of media tricks they play in politics is crazy, I tell you - for example, if you want people to focus on your message when delivering a political speech, wear a blue shirt (if you are a man) and muted solid tie. Otherwise, wear a white shirt and ugly patterned tie. I'm not even joking. Go back and look at what Bush was wearing when he had to announce the Iraq war and didn't really want people paying attention...

Okay, so I have typed up a storm, so the time for good-byes draws near. For those of you who have been enquiring, I am actually working in Germany for my internship this summer - I will be working at the European Space Agency’s European Astronaut Corps, where they train astronauts for upcoming missions – so I won’t be home until September yet!

TKD folk – I miss you all and hope your training is going swimmingly. I’ve started cardio but wonder if I remember how to spar ;) Drop me a line and tell me how you are. To the usual suspects, you know where to go (I have to be polite, my mom will see this).

SU hacks – Elections rumors! PSST…pass them on this way! Who is running this year??? Hee hee, you can take a hack out of the SU, but you can’t take the SU out of the hack – guess who ran her own preferential-style elections this year?

MWC ladies – I hope you are all well. I see that some of you are competing at MUC this year – best of luck, and do Canada proud!!!

Neuro/Science/Med nerds - Don't worry, the science geekiness is still alive and thriving like E. coli on a plate of warm, juicy agar - or a neuron on growth cones ;)

To the high school gang – it’s been so long! Are you still alive??? Drop me a line and let me know where you ended up in this crazy world!

Everyone – friends, families and foes (<-- I don’t even know why you are on this list :p) – I miss you all and hope you are all doing excellently. France is fantastic, funderful and fabulous – it has beyond surpassed my expectations.

So, there you have it – 3 or so months update in 3 or so MS word pages. Make sure you all write back and let me know how you are!

Lots of love,
Shawna

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November 10

Funny How These Things Work...

So, some of you will recall that not too long ago, I posted that I am a sissy since I am unable to sleep without a Theodore bear (come on, I have to make it sound at least quasi-mature).

Well the situation has since rectified itself, because Luisa recently returned from a conference to the United States, during which time she was able to pick up some (and by some, I mean the equivalent of a small nation's GDP) personal affects from Puerto Rico, amongst them, a rather large and handsome Theodore specimen of a healthy golden sheen and engineered so as to bear (sorry, couldn't resist

) the perfect degree of huggableness.